The Daddy Diaries

[Pete]

My son refuses to sleep after his bottle, unless he is being held. We have spoiled him with always holding him to the point where he has gotten used to it. We put him in the rock n play, but he'll just scream and cry until we take him out and hold him.

 

You can't spoil a newborn. They have no habits. You need to do what gets you all through the day. It's much harder on him than you. Comfort him. When he falls asleep, put him down.

 

This is all normal. Schedules come later.

[Johnnydollaz18]

You can't spoil a newborn. They have no habits. You need to do what gets you all through the day. It's much harder on him than you. Comfort him. When he falls asleep, put him down.

 

This is all normal. Schedules come later.

 

I've noticed he likes to have his head rubbed after eating to fall asleep, so that is what I did last night for him and he slept for a few hours after that.

[NYR2711]

My favorite thing to do when my oldest son was a baby was to put him on my chest, recline back in the recliner and fall asleep with him on me. My younger guy wouldnt do it, but my oldest would sleep for a while like that.

[Slobberknocker]

Wife is pregnant again. Not sure whether to leave or get second job at McDonald's.

 

man. I feel bad for the guy that did it if you get ahold of him.... :D

[Dunny]

man. I feel bad for the guy that did it if you get ahold of him.... :D

 

As long as he contributes to the budget, and agrees to me sampling his wife, we're good.

[Respecttheblue]

man. I feel bad for the guy that did it if you get ahold of him.... :D

 

As long as he contributes to the budget, and agrees to me sampling his wife, we're good.

 

"Stay classy my friends"[/i]

Ha ha

 

I'm still looking for him, too.

 

Got a big bill here.

[Dunny]

Here's a good anecdote for the Daddy Diaries: I've been on the road for two weeks living the dream and my wife is stuck at home, 6+ months pregnant, with two kids. My flight is going to be delayed due to weather and I told her instead of dealing with the BS in airports I'll just re-book for a day later and there's a buddy in town here I'd like to get dinner with anyways. Ha, fuck I'm an asshole.

 

The moral: When work becomes a vacation you know you've had enough kids.

[Phil]

:rofl:

 

Just went through my first sickness with Owen. God, these last two days sucked. Fifteen minutes of sleep, max, Sunday night. Just up crying and coughing and throwing up all night long. Him, not me. Well, that's not true. I was crying too. :rofl:

[Dunny]

Sleep deprivation is the single worst thing about parenthood.

 

I think they had it right in antiquity. Just buy a king size. Everybody in.

[Phil]

We co-sleep with him still. Evolutionarily speaking, it's an odd thing to separate kids into their own room at an early age.

[Dunny]

Absolutely. It's an incredibly new idea in the grand scheme of things.

 

You gotta do what you gotta do to survive. Sleep is pretty important.

[Morphinity 2.0]

Aren't you worried about like rolling onto him?

[Vodka Drunkenski]

We co-sleep with him still. Evolutionarily speaking' date=' it's an odd thing to separate kids into their own room at an early age.[/quote']

 

Good luck when he gets older

[Phil]

Aren't you worried about like rolling onto him?

 

No. He sleeps between us, but it's one of those things where I'm always "aware" of him being there. Even if I toss and turn all night, I'm always doing so in place. It's technically a risk, but it really isn't one for either of us. We wake up too easily with his moaning or crying or even his movements. I wake up probably two dozen times a night from them. But go back to bed when I realize half a second later everything is fine.

 

We have a Queen and it's just enough room for all three of us, comfortably. In a full, I'd worry. Or just let my wife sleep with him and crash on the couch. We have a new couch now anyway with a pull out and a tempurpedic mattress. :)

 

We also have a co-sleeper thing next to us, so if he's sleeping well she just picks him up and moves him into it.

 

This thing:

 

http://s7d9.scene7.com/is/image/BedBathandBeyond/10706316346446p?$478$

 

Good luck when he gets older

 

He'll begin more sleep training soon. In the next few weeks. But for now, this gets him to actually sleep somewhat through the night. No baby sleeps completely through the night, but there are too many negative correlations with anxiety, depression, etc. with "cry it out" for me to be OK doing it. It's not for us.

[Vodka Drunkenski]

IMO they don't develop that as babies

[Phil]

Science may indicat otherwise:

 

Directly contradicting this study is research conducted at the University of North Texas that was published in the Early Human Development journal last year. Observing 25 infants aged 4 to 10 months in a five-day inpatient sleep training program, researchers monitored levels of the stress hormone cortisol in the babies, who were left to cry themselves to sleep without being soothed.

 

The scientists measured how long the infants cried each night before they fell asleep. The mothers sat in the next room and listened to their children cry but were not permitted to go in and soothe their babies.

 

By the third night, the babies were crying for a shorter period of time and falling asleep faster. However, the cortisol levels measured in their saliva remained high, indicating that the infants were just as "stressed" as if they had remained crying. So while the infants' internal physiological distress levels had not changed, their outward displays of that stress were extinguished by sleep training.

 

http://www.cnn.com/2013/01/24/health/child-sleep-debate-enayati/

 

--

 

Also more here:

 

https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/moral-landscapes/201112/dangers-crying-it-out

[Vodka Drunkenski]

Science isn't always right, not saying I am 100% right but IMO letting a baby cry it out one or two nights isn't going to develop anxiety and depression. At least not what I experienced with my two daughters. I have friends that didn't go this route and now they can't get their child(ren) out of their bed. They can't sleep alone because of the anxiety of being alone and being scared.

 

But just to clarify, what age are we talking? I wouldn't let a baby cry it out when they are a newborn stage and sleeping in the bassinet.

[Phil]

My kid is six months.

[Blue Heaven]

From the day we brought Ava home she slept in her own room. When it was time to sleep train her, we had one rough night where we didnt sleep and let her cry it out for x amount of time (5 minutes) before we went in to console her, then the next time we'd wait 10 minutes, etc......Took us 2 days - 3 days. First night was rough.

 

As far as sickness, probably the worst thing to feel as a parent when your child is sick especially from newborn till about 2. Ava had norovirus a couple of years ago and it was torture for her and you just felt incapable of making her feel better. For the first time last week her temp spiked to 103+, she had strep/flu, but she was such a happy, playing child, you wouldnt have even known she was sick until you felt her body was burning up.

[Pete]

I just want to put this out there...

 

It's obviously OK to share some friendly advice and ideas, but child rearing is a very personal and sensitive subject. It's one of the 3 things you don't talk about around the holidays with family (the other 2 being religion and politics :) ). It can quickly become as heated a debate as those other 2 topics, and I don't think that's what the spirit of this thread should be. It should really be more about supporting each other and again, some friendly advice.

 

I mean for every article someone posts about crying it out being negative (and I will venture to say most parents who try and let their kid "cry it out" do it incorrectly—It doesn't mean you sit there and let your kid wail for an hour, there's a method to it), I can post an article that discounts or questions that criticism.

 

As far as co-sleeping goes, no one can possibly make the blanket statement that co-sleeping is either good, or bad, because of the variety of variables you need to take into account. There are absolutely benefits of co-sleeping, that much is clear. But there are disadvantages as well, and when someone says they co-sleep, the universal answer you hear is "good luck getting them out of the bed". I've gotten that advice from every single parent I know, my age and my parent's age. And while it might be "better" for the kid, how much better is debatable, and it might be really bad for your marriage.

 

I'm just saying this because while research can be overwhelmingly leaning one way or another, it's never definitive. I just think that when we have a good amount of dads here with some kids who are past the newborn/infant/toddler stage, when research is posted that basically says "you fucked up your kid if you let him cry it out", then that can have the thread take a dark turn that we don't want.

[Vodka Drunkenski]

I just want to put this out there... It's obviously OK to share some friendly advice and ideas' date=' but child rearing is a very personal and sensitive subject. It's one of the 3 things you don't talk about around the holidays with family (the other 2 being religion and politics :) ). It can quickly become as heated a debate as those other 2 topics, and I don't think that's what the spirit of this thread should be. It should really be more about supporting each other and again, some friendly advice. I mean for every article someone posts about crying it out being negative (and I will venture to say most parents who try and let their kid "cry it out" do it incorrectly—It doesn't mean you sit there and let your kid wail for an hour, there's a method to it), I can post an article that discounts or questions that criticism. As far as co-sleeping goes, no one can possibly make the blanket statement that co-sleeping is either good, or bad, because of the variety of variables you need to take into account. There are absolutely benefits of co-sleeping, that much is clear. But there are disadvantages as well, and when someone says they co-sleep, the universal answer you hear is "good luck getting them out of the bed". I've gotten that advice from every single parent I know, my age and my parent's age. And while it might be "better" for the kid, how much better is debatable, and it might be really bad for your marriage. I'm just saying this because while research can be overwhelmingly leaning one way or another, it's never definitive. I just think that when we have a good amount of dads here with some kids who are past the newborn/infant/toddler stage, when research is posted that basically says "you fucked up your kid if you let him cry it out", then that can have the thread take a dark turn that we don't want.

 

Agreed, I apologize if I came off as such, wasn't my intention. Just giving my personal experiences as a different perspective. As you said, there's a method to it, I wouldn't let my daughter cry for an hour, we did something similar to what Blue Heaven mentioned.

[Parsley]

I just want to put this out there...

 

It's obviously OK to share some friendly advice and ideas, but child rearing is a very personal and sensitive subject.

 

Great point. For this reason I've kept most of my "opinions" to myself with regards to all topics discussed here. I remember how frustrated we got with our first child when we dealt with sleeping issues during the first 12-14 months. Many times we didn't ask for advice yet people loved to dump "their expertise" on us. In the end my wife and I battled through the rough period and things worked themselves out. My brother and his wife with a toddler now went a completely different route (with sleeping) then my wife and I did and I would never say anything negative (or positive) about their way of tackling the issue. Their choice.

 

My sister in law is expecting and already came out with the "I'm never using a microwave" for my baby (warming food, steam cleaning bottles, etc.). I was thinking a few things to myself, but again I keep my mouth shut.

[Pete]

Great point. For this reason I've kept most of my "opinions" to myself with regards to all topics discussed here. I remember how frustrated we got with our first child when we dealt with sleeping issues during the first 12-14 months. Many times we didn't ask for advice yet people loved to dump "their expertise" on us. In the end my wife and I battled through the rough period and things worked themselves out. My brother and his wife with a toddler now went a completely different route (with sleeping) then my wife and I did and I would never say anything negative (or positive) about their way of tackling the issue. Their choice.

 

My sister in law is expecting and already came out with the "I'm never using a microwave" for my baby (warming food, steam cleaning bottles, etc.). I was thinking a few things to myself, but again I keep my mouth shut.

 

Yea, everyone says they aren't going to do something, and then when you're in it...And the kid is screaming...Are you gonna wait for the bottle warmer for 4 minutes? We'll see. ;)

 

We said we weren't going to let Ryan watch TV...Yea right. You learn quickly that it's not about not allowing something, it's about limiting the amount of time spent doing certain things. 30 mins of Mickey or Sesame Street won't turn your kid into a vegetable.

[Parsley]

Yea, everyone says they aren't going to do something, and then when you're in it...And the kid is screaming...Are you gonna wait for the bottle warmer for 4 minutes? We'll see. ;)

 

We said we weren't going to let Ryan watch TV...Yea right. You learn quickly that it's not about not allowing something, it's about limiting the amount of time spent doing certain things. 30 mins of Mickey or Sesame Street won't turn your kid into a vegetable.

 

Exactly.

 

Nothing worse than know it alls or big mouths. Also, I remember when my wife gave birth to each of our kids she was getting some "parenting" magazine as a "gift" from a relative and I swear half the shit in their made her feel guilty about the way she was parenting. I hated the fucking thing! She read articles and then would bring them to my attention and I'd basically give this look....:disappointed:

[Dave]

Science may indicat otherwise:

 

 

 

http://www.cnn.com/2013/01/24/health/child-sleep-debate-enayati/

 

--

 

Also more here:

 

https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/moral-landscapes/201112/dangers-crying-it-out

 

There are many variations on the "Cry it out" method. We first tried this at 6 months and then again at around 7 months:

 

Strict night time ritual of diaper change, read a book, rock while being sung to, then put into the crib on her back and quietly leave the room without fuss.

 

She starts to cry. We wait 1 minute then go in, spend 30 seconds to a minute soothing and then leave without fuss.

 

She starts to cry. We wait 2 minutes and repeat.

 

She starts to cry. We wait 4 minutes and repeat.

 

6, 8, 10, 12, etc.

 

At 6 months this didn't work so we stopped and tried again at 7 months. At 7 months, some times she'd fall asleep after about 10-12 minutes, on rare occasions it would get up to around 30 and she'd still be fussing so we'd take her out, calm her and repeat the night time ritual again and start over from 1 minute. She'd usually be asleep by 10 minutes on this second time through.

 

I'd say it took a good 3 weeks until each night would take no longer than 2-4 minutes for her to fall asleep, but there was a steady progression down to shorter and shorter periods. By 2 months or so, there was very, very rarely any crying. At around 9 months old, we could change her diaper, read her a book, rock her while we sang her a song and then put her in her crib and she'd fall asleep with no fuss. She's now just over 2 years old and it's the same thing. Sure, on occasion she has a night where she's a little restless. We had trouble for a few nights after she stopped using a pacifier and a few nights after we switched from a crib to a "big girl's bed", but she's a fantastic sleeper now.

 

I get that just simply leaving them to cry until they fall asleep no matter how long that takes and without any comfort or reassurance can cause elevated stress, but I don't believe the method we used caused any more stress than she was experiencing before that where we tried to constantly sooth and rock her, only to put her down and have her start crying and where sometimes that would take an hour or more. There is also the added benefit that she no longer has stress at bed time and gets much more sleep than if each night was a battle to go to bed.