The Daddy Diaries

[Pete]

Exactly.

 

Nothing worse than know it alls or big mouths. Also, I remember when my wife gave birth to each of our kids she was getting some "parenting" magazine as a "gift" from a relative and I swear half the shit in their made her feel guilty about the way she was parenting. I hated the fucking thing! She read articles and then would bring them to my attention and I'd basically give this look....:disappointed:

 

I don't offer unsolicited advice, and when some asks me, all I say is "This worked for us......"

 

The thing is, not only is every kid different, every marriage is different. The length of time people know each other, and are married to each other, effects so many emotional responses to each other and to the kid.

 

I mean when Ryan first got here, we were fucked up. We didn't know what to do with him. Nothing prepares you for it. Nothing. But thankfully we had the best nurse practitioner of all time, who asked us so many of the right questions and put everything in perspective for us.

 

Without getting into too many details, my wife had a type of postpartum depression (not like shake and kill the baby kind) where she felt overwhelmed and that she ruined our life by bringing this little creature that takes up 110% of our time for the rest of our lives. Instead of asking questions about what the baby was doing, she asked us questions about us...How long we were married (3 years at the time), and how long we knew each other/dated (18 years at the time). When she heard we had an 18 year relationship, she was stunned. She said most people in our position are witnessing the change in a 5-8 year relationship. We were witnessing the change in a relationship that lasted half hour lives, and it's different now, and everything we were feeling was normal, and amplified because we'd been together so long—it was a bigger change for us than most. That instantly made us feel better.

 

Not every other parent is going to 1. admit how depressed they are, 2. give you that advice, 3. understand the situation. Other parents mostly don't want anyone knowing how fucked up you can get, or they are trying to convince themselves and everyone around them that they were instantly in love and bonded with their newborn. That's actually the exception and not the rule.

 

This is just a long and anecdotal way of saying that there is no one right way to do anything as a parent. Yes there are standards for health we all need to follow, but behavioral stuff is a whole new ball of wax.

[NYR2711]

Science isn't always right, not saying I am 100% right but IMO letting a baby cry it out one or two nights isn't going to develop anxiety and depression. At least not what I experienced with my two daughters. I have friends that didn't go this route and now they can't get their child(ren) out of their bed. They can't sleep alone because of the anxiety of being alone and being scared.

 

But just to clarify, what age are we talking? I wouldn't let a baby cry it out when they are a newborn stage and sleeping in the bassinet.

 

We actually put my kids into their cribs as soon as they came home in their own rooms, we had the monitors in their rooms. Both never really cried when we put them in, they only cried when it was feeding time when they woke up. But my kids wee also both pretty much sleeping through the night by the 2nd week they were home.

 

I work with a girl, and I don't think she should have kids. She has 2 of them, and her 5 year old still sleeps in the bed with them every night, they are paranoid and only pretty much love in 1 room in her house, their bedroom, no furniture in the other rooms. She would tell us stories about how they conceived the second child with the first one sleeping in the same bed. When we questioned her about it she felt it was perfectly OK to do. Her daughter gets sick all of the time, she sleeps until noon all the time, and all they do is feed the older one fast food. She got sick when she first started school because they don't bring her near anyone, and they went up to the school to complain that their daughter got sick and that the school needs to tell parents not to send their kids in when they are sick. She has been out for about a year now with post pardem, which didn't surprise us, I think she is coming back next week.

[Parsley]

I don't offer unsolicited advice, and when some asks me, all I say is "This worked for us......"

 

The thing is, not only is every kid different, every marriage is different. The length of time people know each other, and are married to each other, effects so many emotional responses to each other and to the kid.

 

I mean when Ryan first got here, we were fucked up. We didn't know what to do with him. Nothing prepares you for it. Nothing. But thankfully we had the best nurse practitioner of all time, who asked us so many of the right questions and put everything in perspective for us.

 

Without getting into too many details, my wife had a type of postpartum depression (not like shake and kill the baby kind) where she felt overwhelmed and that she ruined our life by bringing this little creature that takes up 110% of our time for the rest of our lives. Instead of asking questions about what the baby was doing, she asked us questions about us...How long we were married (3 years at the time), and how long we knew each other/dated (18 years at the time). When she heard we had an 18 year relationship, she was stunned. She said most people in our position are witnessing the change in a 5-8 year relationship. We were witnessing the change in a relationship that lasted half hour lives, and it's different now, and everything we were feeling was normal, and amplified because we'd been together so long—it was a bigger change for us than most. That instantly made us feel better.

 

Not every other parent is going to 1. admit how depressed they are, 2. give you that advice, 3. understand the situation. Other parents mostly don't want anyone knowing how fucked up you can get, or they are trying to convince themselves and everyone around them that they were instantly in love and bonded with their newborn. That's actually the exception and not the rule.

 

This is just a long and anecdotal way of saying that there is no one right way to do anything as a parent. Yes there are standards for health we all need to follow, but behavioral stuff is a whole new ball of wax.

 

Yeah, it's tough. My wife had major issues breast feeding and she felt like a complete failure and it really beat her down. I felt so bad and I was absolutely helpless in that situation. My biggest hurdles were definitely with the lack of sleep to the point where I had to basically sleep in the basement for a few weeks (I think when my first child was teething and nights were hell around 10 months) and told my wife I NEED 6 hours of uninterrupted sleep or I'd lose my shit. It definitely is a major test to the husband/wife relationship. For guys especially, they really need to know what they are getting themselves into.

 

In the end, things really did settle down after about 12-14 months old with our first kid. The second one seemed easier. That obviously has to do with experience and less coddling (on our end that time around).

[NYR2711]

My almost 2 year old is at the stage where he is throwing temper tantrums. Oh my god does it suck. He screams if he has to do something he doesn't wan too do. He started his terrible 2's early. It took me over an hour to get him to pick up his toys he left on the floor. I finally pissed him off enough to put the toys away. I kept putting his trains in his hand, and when he saw that pushing it away wasn't working and that I was putting it back in his hand, he finally just put them back in his little toy bin. I hate this stage, because now he is also in the throwing stage.

[NYR2711]

Yeah, it's tough. My wife had major issues breast feeding and she felt like a complete failure and it really beat her down. I felt so bad and I was absolutely helpless in that situation. My biggest hurdles were definitely with the lack of sleep to the point where I had to basically sleep in the basement for a few weeks (I think when my first child was teething and nights were hell around 10 months) and told my wife I NEED 6 hours of uninterrupted sleep or I'd lose my shit. It definitely is major test to the husband/wife relationship. For guys especially, they really need to know what they are getting themselves into.

 

In the end, things really did settle down after about 12-14 months old with our first kid. The second one seemed easier. That obviously has to do with experience and less coddling.

 

My wife had issues as well where we had to supplement formula in between feedings. And some people get nasty about it. They will say shit to women about it when they don't even know anything about the woman. My bosses wife just gave birth to their third kid, and she was having issues in the hospital, so she asked the nurse for a bottle and the nurse gave her issues and even said to the baby that she tried talking sense into mommy an it didn't work. He told us they were pissed nah the nurse said it. He said she isn't really producing much so they have to use formula.

[NYR2711]

I don't offer unsolicited advice, and when some asks me, all I say is "This worked for us......"

 

The thing is, not only is every kid different, every marriage is different. The length of time people know each other, and are married to each other, effects so many emotional responses to each other and to the kid.

 

I mean when Ryan first got here, we were fucked up. We didn't know what to do with him. Nothing prepares you for it. Nothing. But thankfully we had the best nurse practitioner of all time, who asked us so many of the right questions and put everything in perspective for us.

 

Without getting into too many details, my wife had a type of postpartum depression (not like shake and kill the baby kind) where she felt overwhelmed and that she ruined our life by bringing this little creature that takes up 110% of our time for the rest of our lives. Instead of asking questions about what the baby was doing, she asked us questions about us...How long we were married (3 years at the time), and how long we knew each other/dated (18 years at the time). When she heard we had an 18 year relationship, she was stunned. She said most people in our position are witnessing the change in a 5-8 year relationship. We were witnessing the change in a relationship that lasted half hour lives, and it's different now, and everything we were feeling was normal, and amplified because we'd been together so long—it was a bigger change for us than most. That instantly made us feel better.

 

Not every other parent is going to 1. admit how depressed they are, 2. give you that advice, 3. understand the situation. Other parents mostly don't want anyone knowing how fucked up you can get, or they are trying to convince themselves and everyone around them that they were instantly in love and bonded with their newborn. That's actually the exception and not the rule.

 

This is just a long and anecdotal way of saying that there is no one right way to do anything as a parent. Yes there are standards for health we all need to follow, but behavioral stuff is a whole new ball of wax.

 

Perfectly said. Someone complained to me one time for putting my son in timeout when he was throwing stuff. They actually gave me a parenting book after that, and I told them that he is my kid and I am not allowing him to be wild. They just stared at me and told me I was mean to him, as they were yelling at their kids who were teenagers and weren't listening.

[Parsley]

My wife had issues as well where we had to supplement formula in between feedings. And some people get nasty about it. They will say shit to women about it when they don't even know anything about the woman. My bosses wife just gave birth to their third kid, and she was having issues in the hospital, so she asked the nurse for a bottle and the nurse gave her issues and even said to the baby that she tried talking sense into mommy an it didn't work. He told us they were pissed nah the nurse said it. He said she isn't really producing much so they have to use formula.

 

Yup. Been down that road. Lets face it, post birth women are already on hormone/emotion overload. Then throw in a maternal "issue" like breastfeeding and it can be an all out disaster. I remember my wife crying trying to pump milk hooked up to those pumps and I'm like WHAT THE FUCK DID WE GET OURSELVES INTO! My wife isn't overly emotional either so to see her in that state was downright painful.

[Morphinity 2.0]

Remind me to show this thread to my wife when she feels the need for seed.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Also, remind me to delete this post.

[Parsley]

Remind me to show this thread to my wife when she feels the need for seed.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Also, remind me to delete this post.

 

:lol:

 

We speak the truth. We all love our kids (hopefully) but it can be hell at times early on. I remember friends busting my chops over "marriage"......kids are 100x more of a challenge than dealing with a wife. Marriage to me was EASY....especially prior to kids.

[Johnnydollaz18]

Things seem to be getting easier and less stressful for us. He's starting to sleep 5-7 hours throughout the night, which has been amazing, but there is still some nights where he rather play with me or my wife, than go to sleep when we try to put him down. On the bright side, we have one happy 2 month old, he's always smiling and laughing and I even taught him how to stick his tongue out at me when I do it to him. He gives the biggest smile in the world when we play the tongue out game and it just melts my heart, in all honesty.

[Blue Heaven]

TBH I was a miserable fuck the first year and half when my daughter was born. I wasnt getting enough sleep, I need a good 7-8 hours for me to function then this girl came into our lives and I was getting 3-4 on a good night in the beginning. My daughter was small when she born so the nurses immediately took her to the NICU to start feeding her, and getting her under the hot lamp. So since she immediately had formula, my daughter wouldnt latch on to my wife's tit to feed, so my wife couldnt breastfeed. We had a consultant come to the house, and she was all dried up. So then this lead to more issues with my daughter, she developed reverse reflux (reflux, then swallows what comes up, which causes more of a burning sensation), which led to my daughter flipping out every time she saw a bottle and would not drink. Finally we had to put her on Alimentum which helped. Now Alimentum can be covered by insurance and that was a pain in the ass which led to more stress to get the insurance company to cover the formula, the doctor diagnosed my daughter as a failure to thrive baby, but that didnt matter to the insurance company. So with my wife unable to breastfeed, then dealing with the insurance caused a lot of stress on my wife, and then add the lack of sleep, Ooooooof! Finally my wife went back to work and I had to watch a 4 month old by myself on the weekends and that was a whole other issue. Fast forward to when my daughter turned 2 till now (she just turned 4), I love this kid with all my heart and wouldnt change a thing.

[Phil]

I never posted anything that basically says you fucked up your kid if you let them cry it out. I said that the science isn't entirely clear on whether CIO is good or bad, and that for me, for us, my wife and I, the negative correlations that came of the most recent study are frightening. Frightening enough that we don't feel comfortable using the CIO method. At least not the "leave them to cry until they stop" one.

 

But I agree that none of this is ever really definitive because every child is different, as is every marriage. Every couple needs to determine what is best, and in our case, right now, what we are doing is what we are comfortable doing, because the drawbacks are not actually harmful to Owen or to us. At best (or at worst) they could potentially be a minor annoyance, like say if he really did get attached to it and then refused to sleep in his own bed later.

 

You know how I feel about "topics not suited to be spoken about" (politics, religion, children), but I'm all for keeping the spirit of the thread light. If I had a bigger issue with a more specific problem I'd raise it in an apporpriate thread.

 

I just don't want to create a safe space here where nothing of consequence can be said for fear of insulting someone else. How you say, not necessarilty what you say, matters more IMO.

 

"You fucked your kid up" is a great example of that. There are far better ways to post objections to a specific practice, like have been posted already. "That didn't work for us, but this did...", etc.

[Dunny]

Fucking excellent excellent stuff here. Really.

 

Our 7 year old was hell because he's a boy and we were really young. It was just survival. For everybody. I think I was tough on both of them, I wasn't making a whole lot of money and looking back I probably felt a bit inadequate. Such is life I suppose.

 

Our 2 year old daughter is another story. Just tell her it's nap time and she's out. Tell her it's bed time and she grabs her kitty gives everyone a kiss and literally puts herself to bed. I almost cry every time. Surely I'll pay for this at age 16 but right now I think I could have 5 more girls.

[Parsley]

No, this thread is good. It's sort of an unspoken topic among men many times. The early years especially can be very tough. Moody, emotional wives, no sleep, lack of sex life, pick your poison. Amazingly for the abuse a woman goes through physically and mentally carrying/giving birth many have no problem popping out a 2nd or 3rd or 6th. I put up the STOP SIGN after #2. :D

[Dunny]

No, this thread is good. It's sort of an unspoken topic among men many times. The early years especially can be very tough. Moody, emotional wives, no sleep, lack of sex life, pick your poison. Amazingly for the abuse a woman goes through physically and mentally carrying/giving birth many have no problem popping out a 2nd or 3rd or 6th. I put up the STOP SIGN after #2. :D

 

They're sadists when it comes to this stuff. Biology is powerful shit.

[Parsley]

They're sadists when it comes to this stuff. Biology is powerful shit.

 

Definitely.

[Phil]

They're sadists when it comes to this stuff. Biology is powerful shit.

 

Well, they also handle pain better than men. Scientific fact. But yeah, I think going through this once, even vicariosuly, would be enough for me to cap it at one. :rofl:

[Parsley]

Any of you guys with 1 child now expecting the wife to........"demand" or may I say request another?

[Phil]

I mean, Owen is just six months. Right now, I doubt it. But I could see her "suggesting" it within the next year or two. I know she really wanted a girl.

[Parsley]

I mean, Owen is just six months. Right now, I doubt it. But I could see her "suggesting" it within the next year or two. I know she really wanted a girl.

 

Gotcha. We were always set on 2 and they are split by 2 1/2 years. My wife pushed for a 3rd after having 2 girls (probably wanting a boy too) and I said nah I'm good. :)

[Johnnydollaz18]

Any of you guys with 1 child now expecting the wife to........"demand" or may I say request another?

 

My wife already wants a second one. Mostly because she has her mind set on having a girl. lol But it's wayyyyyyyyyyyy too early.

[Phil]

Gotcha. We were always set on 2 and they are split by 2 1/2 years. My wife pushed for a 3rd after having 2 girls (probably wanting a boy too) and I said nah I'm good. :)

 

I mean, I'll cross that bridge when I get to it, but I'm quite content with just one.

[Parsley]

Yeah guys enjoy the first one for awhile. While the second was easier out the gate having multiple kids makes the big picture much more...hectic. To me though it's all about trying to keep to a general routine. Especially when balancing multiple kids.

[Blue Heaven]

Any of you guys with 1 child now expecting the wife to........"demand" or may I say request another?

 

Oh hell no.....She wanted 3 BEFORE we had one, now she doesnt want to go through the process again, and im kind of on the same page as her. We arent having another one also for financial reasons, damn f'n expensive to have a child.

[Pete]

Any of you guys with 1 child now expecting the wife to........"demand" or may I say request another?

Right now, she is 100% against another one.

 

Also, the decision might be made for us if Zika gets to NJ.