Ozzy Posted March 29, 2021 Posted March 29, 2021 I found this gem over the weekend and figured you guys might get a kick out of it, so without further adieu.... MAN RULES WE ALWAYS HEAR 'THE RULES' FROM THE FEMALE SIDE. NOW HERE ARE THE RULES FROM THE MALE SIDE. THESE ARE OUR RULES! PLEASE NOTE: THESE ARE ALL NUMBERED #1 ON PURPOSE! 1. MEN ARE NOT MIND READERS. 1. LEARN TO WORK THE TOILET SEAT. YOU'RE A BIG GIRL! IF IT'S UP, PUT IT DOWN. WE NEED IT UP, YOU NEED IT DOWN. YOU DON'T HEAR US COMPLAINING ABOUT YOU LEAVING IT DOWN! 1. CRYING IS BLACKMAIL! 1. ASK FOR WHAT YOU WANT. LET US BE CLEAR ON THIS ONE: SUBTLE HINTS DO NOT WORK! STRONG HINTS DO NOT WORK! OBVIOUS HINTS DO NOT WORK! JUST FUCKING SAY IT!!! 1. YES AND NO ARE PERFECTLY ACCEPTABLE ANSWERS TO ALMOST EVERY QUESTION. 1. COME TO US WITH A PROBLEM ONLY IF YOU WANT HELP SOLVING IT. THAT'S WHAT WE DO. SYMPATHY IS WHAT YOUR GIRLFRIENDS ARE FOR. 1. ANYTHING WE SAID 6 MONTHS AGO IS INADMISSIBLE IN AN ARGUMENT. IN FACT, ALL COMMENTS BECOME NULL AND VOID AFTER 7 DAYS. 1. IF YOU THINK YOU'RE FAT, YOU PROBABLY ARE. DON'T ASK US!!! 1. IF SOMETHING WE SAID CAN BE INTERPRETED TWO WAYS AND ONE OF THE WAYS MAKES YOU SAD OR ANGRY, WE MEANT THE OTHER ONE! 1. YOU CAN EITHER ASK US TO DO SOMETHING OR TELL US HOW YOU WANT IT DONE. NOT BOTH. IF YOU ALREADY KNOW BEST HOW TO DO IT, JUST DO IT YOURSELF!!! 1. WHENEVER POSSIBLE, PLEASE SAY WHATEVER YOU HAVE TO SAY DURING COMMERCIALS. 1. CHRISTOPHER COLUMBUS DID NOT NEED DIRECTIONS AND NEITHER DO WE!! 1. ALL MEN SEE IN ONLY 16 COLORS, LIKE WINDOWS DEFAULT SETTINGS...PEACH, FOR EXAMPLE, IS A FRUIT, NOT A COLOR. PUMPKIN IS ALSO A FRUIT. WE HAVE NO IDEA WHAT MAUVE IS! 1. IF WE ASK WHAT IS WRONG AND YOU SAY 'NOTHING,' WE WILL ACT LIKE NOTHING'S WRONG. WE KNOW YOU ARE LYING, BUT IT IS JUST NOT WORTH THE HASSLE! 1. IF YOU ASK A QUESTION YOU DON'T WANT AN ANSWER TO, EXPECT AN ANSWER YOU DON'T WANT TO HEAR. 1. WHEN WE HAVE TO GO SOMEWHERE, ABSOLUTELY ANYTHING YOU WEAR IS FINE...REALLY! 1. DON'T ASK US WHAT WE'RE THINKING ABOUT UNLESS YOU ARE PREPARED TO DISCUSS SUCH TOPICS AS FOOTBALL, HOCKEY, OR MOTOR SPORTS. 1. YOU HAVE ENOUGH CLOTHES! 1. YOU HAVE WAY TOO MANY SHOES!! 1. I AM IN SHAPE. ROUND IS A SHAPE! 1. THANK YOU FOR READING THIS. YES, I KNOW, I HAVE TO SLEEP ON THE COUCH TONIGHT, BUT DID YOU KNOW MEN REALLY DON'T MIND THAT? IT'S LIKE CAMPING... SHARE THIS WITH AS MANY GUYS AS YOU CAN - TO GIVE THEM A LAUGH... SHARE THIS WITH AS MANY WOMEN AS YOU CAN - TO GIVE THEM A BIGGER LAUGH, BECAUSE IT’S TRUE!!!! :rofl: Ozz ;) 3
Phil Posted March 29, 2021 Posted March 29, 2021 1. COME TO US WITH A PROBLEM ONLY IF YOU WANT HELP SOLVING IT. THAT'S WHAT WE DO. SYMPATHY IS WHAT YOUR GIRLFRIENDS ARE FOR. Truer words have never been spoken. Sent from my iPhone using Blueshirts Brotherhood mobile app powered by Tapatalk
Patrick Bateman Posted March 29, 2021 Posted March 29, 2021 Think this is what the kids call "toxic masculinity" these days and I tend to agree 1
Ozzy Posted March 30, 2021 Author Posted March 30, 2021 Truer words have never been spoken. Sent from my iPhone using Blueshirts Brotherhood mobile app powered by Tapatalk This should be a sticky!! :rofl:
L'albatros Posted March 30, 2021 Posted March 30, 2021 1. WHENEVER POSSIBLE, PLEASE SAY WHATEVER YOU HAVE TO SAY DURING COMMERCIALS. so true
Ozzy Posted March 30, 2021 Author Posted March 30, 2021 Spoken like a true unmarried man :p I knew you'd love this one, Big K!! LOL 1
Zuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuc Posted March 30, 2021 Posted March 30, 2021 LMAO this is gold Ozzy. "1. IF YOU THINK YOU'RE FAT, YOU PROBABLY ARE. DON'T ASK US!!!" :rofl:
Ozzy Posted March 30, 2021 Author Posted March 30, 2021 I think everyone can relate to a rule in there, Zuuuuc man!!! ...some of us more than others!!!! ;)
BrooksBurner Posted March 30, 2021 Posted March 30, 2021 1. IF WE ASK WHAT IS WRONG AND YOU SAY 'NOTHING,' WE WILL ACT LIKE NOTHING'S WRONG. WE KNOW YOU ARE LYING, BUT IT IS JUST NOT WORTH THE HASSLE! Spoken like a divorced man actually. If your wife says nothing is wrong, the safe play is to proceed with caution.
4EverRangerFrank Posted March 30, 2021 Posted March 30, 2021 Ever date a girl who when she finds the seat down leaves it up for the reaction? She bucked like a bronco!
paddynyc Posted March 30, 2021 Posted March 30, 2021 1. IF WE ASK WHAT IS WRONG AND YOU SAY 'NOTHING,' WE WILL ACT LIKE NOTHING'S WRONG. WE KNOW YOU ARE LYING, BUT IT IS JUST NOT WORTH THE HASSLE! Spoken like a divorced man actually. If your wife says nothing is wrong, the safe play is to proceed with caution. This was one of my favorites also and so true about proceeding with caution. And my other favorite and I'd cut it down to 8 colors. 1. ALL MEN SEE IN ONLY 16 COLORS, LIKE WINDOWS DEFAULT SETTINGS...PEACH, FOR EXAMPLE, IS A FRUIT, NOT A COLOR. PUMPKIN IS ALSO A FRUIT. WE HAVE NO IDEA WHAT MAUVE IS! Thanks Ozzy and of course most of these will get you a trip to the "Chateau Bow Wow"
Ozzy Posted March 30, 2021 Author Posted March 30, 2021 This was one of my favorites also and so true about proceeding with caution. And my other favorite and I'd cut it down to 8 colors. 1. ALL MEN SEE IN ONLY 16 COLORS, LIKE WINDOWS DEFAULT SETTINGS...PEACH, FOR EXAMPLE, IS A FRUIT, NOT A COLOR. PUMPKIN IS ALSO A FRUIT. WE HAVE NO IDEA WHAT MAUVE IS! Thanks Ozzy and of course most of these will get you a trip to the "Chateau Bow Wow" Old Chadwick line!! LOVE IT!!!! :rofl: Yeah man, like Keirik said..."Spoken like a true unmarried guy!"
RodrigueGabriel Posted March 30, 2021 Posted March 30, 2021 Holy shit am I whipped. Sent from my SM-G970U using Blueshirts Brotherhood mobile app powered by Tapatalk 1
NY Chief Posted March 30, 2021 Posted March 30, 2021 1. WHENEVER POSSIBLE, PLEASE SAY WHATEVER YOU HAVE TO SAY DURING COMMERCIALS. Why do they always come in talking with seconds to go 5 on 3 with a one goal lead??????
Bugg Posted March 31, 2021 Posted March 31, 2021 As my father in law often observed, he always got the last word in every argument with the Mrs. "YES, DEAR".
RodrigueGabriel Posted March 31, 2021 Posted March 31, 2021 "It's the way you stroke my hair when I lie sleeping It's the way you tell me things that I don't know It's the way that you remember I came home late for dinner Eleven months and fourteen days ago It's the little things The itty bitty things Like the way that you remind me that I've been growing soft It's the little things The Itty bitty things It's the little things that piss me off. It's the note that you leave on the breakfast table With a list of things to help me plan my day It's the way you say we could have If you'd done the things you should have It's the little things, darlin', That make me feel this way. It's the little things The itty bitty things Like the way that you remind me that I've been growing soft It's the little things The Itty bitty things It's the little things that piss me off." Robert Earl Keen Sent from my SM-G970U using Blueshirts Brotherhood mobile app powered by Tapatalk
Bugg Posted March 31, 2021 Posted March 31, 2021 Just had this conversation with a co-worker. The cardboard recycling bin is 10 second walk; so is the place we put the recycling until I take it out. So the choice is take it out to the bin , or pile it up. And every time the Mrs. piles it up, if daintily and intricately, like this is a game of Jenga. His wife does the same fuckin' thing.
BrooksBurner Posted March 31, 2021 Posted March 31, 2021 My wife doesn't like to replace paper towels or napkins after using the last one, and she leaves the microwave flashing after using it instead of clearing it :angry:
Ozzy Posted April 1, 2021 Author Posted April 1, 2021 Thanks for this Ozzy! Some much needed levity. Always in the name of entertainment, sir!! =) :thumbs:
Keirik Posted April 1, 2021 Posted April 1, 2021 My wife doesn't like to replace paper towels or napkins after using the last one, and she leaves the microwave flashing after using it instead of clearing it :angry: My wife does that with the toilet paper. She will leave the cardboard empty tube on the holder and put the new toilet paper on the bathroom sink. I don’t get it. This is a woman that is a neat freak with everything except two things. Toilet paper and the dishes. She will literally put an empty dish in the sink right next to the empty dish washer.
L'albatros Posted April 1, 2021 Posted April 1, 2021 My wife does that with the toilet paper. She will leave the cardboard empty tube on the holder and put the new toilet paper on the bathroom sink. I don’t get it. This is a woman that is a neat freak with everything except two things. Toilet paper and the dishes. She will literally put an empty dish in the sink right next to the empty dish washer. get a Toto. no need for toilet paper.
Keirik Posted April 2, 2021 Posted April 2, 2021 get a Toto. no need for toilet paper. Isn’t that a band?
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