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BSBH Guardian Project: The Bluephoria

Patrick Bateman

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The Bluephoria




A master of disguise, this hero may look like just an average man, but make no mistake, there is a reason they call him the "Bear Jew". Equipped with two thumb rings of truth, there is no way to fool the Bluphoria, unless of course, you are his grandmother. After taking copious amounts of them, the Bluphoria has become a true master of the cellphone-self-shot, allowing him to see into his inner most desires, so he never loses sight of his true self.


With flashy style and charisma, however, the Bluephoria is most often seen surrounded by mere mortal wenches, usually packs of 10. The Bluephorias only true downfall is his inability to say no to a member of the opposite sex, which often results in him "taking care" of all these wenches in about 1 minuted 37 seconds, as to not waste anytime in his crime stopping.


Learning much of his crime stopping technique in his frat house at college, this superhero tends to give off a bit of a gay vibe. Some also call to attention his unorthodox crime deterring techniques, like how he chooses to paddle the criminal, rather then bring him to jail, or how he sometimes places "foreign objects" in the unconscious perpetrators oral cavity because "its hilarious, bro." Make no mistake, this hero will not fail us anytime soon, unless of course, you are a member of the opposite sex.




The Rome




With super strength, it may seem like this hero spends countless hours in the gym, but that is just too mainstream for him. He acquired his strength through countless hours of arguing with, as he puts it, "lesser intellects" on the internet. Posting at a clip of 90 posts per day, the Romes WWF Heavyweight replica utility belt is equipped with a fully functional keyboard, and a hockey almanac for every year that hockey has ever been played, because if he was not able to tell people they were wrong at his leisure, he would not be able to sleep at night.


It may seem like this hero has some weak points, and he does, he actually thinks that wrestling is a sport. But beyond that, a weakness in Rome is hard to come by. At first glance one may think that his legs are his achilles heel, but don't be fooled by their slender appearance, they are being constrained by the absolute tightest jeans that the Rome could find. The Rome has also mastered the technique of always leaving a backdoor opened when arguing, so if you are foolish enough to feel like you have him cornered, be prepared for the "Uhh, LOL, thats what I meant.. :rolleyes:" It is truly devastating.


Each morning, the Rome takes an hour to mold his primary weapon to perfection, his faux-hawk. Requiring 3 bottles of gel each morning to maintain, this hellacious weapon can saw an appendage off at the slightest touch. The Rome has also undergone a highly controversial procedure and has installed his twitter feed directly into his brain, so no matter what, he will always have gotten the news before you, which gives him a tremendous amount of satisfaction. His thick rimmed glasses also double as constraining devices for any criminals he may catch.


Through the years, the Rome has also mastered several distraction techniques that make people stop and scratch their heads before he pounces. Some of these methods of distraction are playing hockey in skinny jeans, wearing sleeveless rangers jerseys, and being white and smoking "Kool" cigarettes. Despite all of his, as he so eloquently puts it: "success in every single thing I do, and being the smartest person in the world" the Rome still finds himself in denial, and will vehemently deny the 100% truthful allegations that he is a hipster until the day he dies.


It is rumored that he subscribes to a service that texts him Richard Dawkins quotes every morning, but this has yet to be confirmed.

Edited by Patrick Bateman
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