Jokes For A Roast

[Mike]

I have to roast my boss in 2 weeks. He's aware of the birthday party, but unaware that it's a roast. I have to take up about 5 minutes. I have about 2:30 so far. I'll take all jokes for the following topics:

Cheap

Bald

Fat

Ugly

Messy

 

I'll apply the best ones, and maybe even change some of mine. I'll post my whole roast when I finish it.

 

GO !!

[Dunny]

How many kids does he have? I saw a meme of a dude with like 13 kids and the caption was "This guy couldn't pull out of a parking space." would probably work with 4+ kids.

[Dunny]

What's his ethnicity? The bit about 2 Dutch guys inventing copper wire by fighting over a penny is a classic.

[Patrick Bateman]

Just do a bunch of "you the type of n*** jokes"

 

Like "you the type of n**** to ask for a wine menu at olive garden"

[Mike]

What's his ethnicity? The bit about 2 Dutch guys inventing copper wire by fighting over a penny is a classic.

 

Italian

[Morphinity 2.0]

Finish with "And I couldn't think of a bald joke... Besides you."

[Abe Froman]

..

[Mike]

Finish with "And I couldn't think of a bald joke... Besides you."

 

This is gold

[Mike]

Old school:

 

A man goes to a psychiatrist. The doctor says, "You're crazy". The man says, "I want a second opinion!" The doctor says "Okay, you're ugly too!" - Henny Youngman.

 

You can change "A man" to your bosses name.

Hahaha he probably knows that joke if it came from Youngman

[NYRangers92]

Find a pair of those sunglasses old people get after cataract surgery and say something like, "I need to put these on so I don't go blind looking at you".

[phillyb]

my boss is so cheap, he brings his own shampoo to the motel...

and he's fucking bald.

[turn to boss] i can only imagine what you do with that shampoo, fat ass.

[Pete]

Mike's gonna be in the jobs thread soon.

[Morphinity 2.0]

Mike's gonna be in the jobs thread soon.

 

:rofl:

[Abe Froman]

..

[Mike]

Mike's gonna be in the jobs thread soon.

 

Not if I use any of these jokes.

[Abe Froman]

..