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NHL: F*ck, Marry, Kill


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F*ck - Philly. She's a dirty broad(street) and while you won't bring her home to mom, you low key cant deny that deep down don't mind bringing her home because you find her so entertaining...just in a car with tinted windows.


Marry - Devils. Like too many marriages, it'll be loveless full of bickering. Still, we have to admit we sort of enjoy the whole thing and our lives are enriched on some level due to our relationship or... rivalry. Plus, we can identify with being all in on an aging goaltender.


Kill - Islanders. The spark has fizzled. They can't find long term housing. Their star player could very well leave, and possibly to us, and I wouldn't want them to see that.

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  • 7 months later...

With an eye toward NHL expansion/realignment (Kill a franchise, f*ck a franchise with realignment, marry them in the same division)


Kill - Islanders. You'll always have those 4 Stanley Cups, but it's been a slow circling of the drain since. Turn them into the Hartford Whalers or Quebec Nordiques and watch those cities orgasm.

Marry - Devils. Everyone needs someone to hate... in the same division... until the end of time.

F*ck - Flyers. Bunch of goons. If the NHL can manage to have Tampa Bay, Florida, Montreal, Ottawa, and Toronto in the same division, they can figure out a way to screw up the Flyers with realignment.

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