Ozzy Posted January 31, 2023 Share Posted January 31, 2023 Ok, I'm bored! No Rangers games for another week and a half makes me sad, so here's a little ditty I found that you married guys might get a kick out of. For your entertainment, I give you: MAN RULES: WE ALWAYS HEAR 'THE RULES' FROM THE FEMALE SIDE. NOW HERE ARE THE RULES FROM THE MALE SIDE.THESE ARE OUR RULES! PLEASE NOTE: THESE ARE ALL NUMBERED #1 ON PURPOSE! 1. MEN ARE NOT MIND READERS. 1. LEARN TO WORK THE TOILET SEAT. YOU'RE A BIG GIRL! IF IT'S UP, PUT IT DOWN. WE NEED IT UP, YOU NEED IT DOWN. YOU DON'T HEAR US COMPLAINING ABOUT YOU LEAVING IT DOWN! 1. CRYING IS BLACKMAIL! 1. ASK FOR WHAT YOU WANT. LET US BE CLEAR ON THIS ONE: SUBTLE HINTS DO NOT WORK! STRONG HINTS DO NOT WORK! OBVIOUS HINTS DO NOT WORK! JUST FUCKING SAY IT!!! 1. YES AND NO ARE PERFECTLY ACCEPTABLE ANSWERS TO ALMOST EVERY QUESTION. 1. COME TO US WITH A PROBLEM ONLY IF YOU WANT HELP SOLVING IT. THAT'S WHAT WE DO. SYMPATHY IS WHAT YOUR GIRLFRIENDS ARE FOR. 1. ANYTHING WE SAID 6 MONTHS AGO IS INADMISSIBLE IN AN ARGUMENT. IN FACT, ALL COMMENTS BECOME NULL AND VOID AFTER 7 DAYS. 1. IF YOU THINK YOU'RE FAT, YOU PROBABLY ARE. DON'T ASK US!!! 1. IF SOMETHING WE SAID CAN BE INTERPRETED TWO WAYS AND ONE OF THE WAYS MAKES YOU SAD OR ANGRY, WE MEANT THE OTHER ONE! 1. YOU CAN EITHER ASK US TO DO SOMETHING OR TELL US HOW YOU WANT IT DONE. NOT BOTH. IF YOU ALREADY KNOW BEST HOW TO DO IT, JUST DO IT YOURSELF!!! 1. WHENEVER POSSIBLE, PLEASE SAY WHATEVER YOU HAVE TO SAY DURING COMMERCIALS. 1. CHRISTOPHER COLUMBUS DID NOT NEED DIRECTIONS AND NEITHER DO WE!! 1. ALL MEN SEE IN ONLY 16 COLORS, LIKE WINDOWS DEFAULT SETTINGS...PEACH, FOR EXAMPLE, IS A FRUIT, NOT A COLOR. PUMPKIN IS ALSO A FRUIT. WE HAVE NO IDEA WHAT MAUVE IS! 1. IF WE ASK WHAT IS WRONG AND YOU SAY 'NOTHING,' WE WILL ACT LIKE NOTHING'S WRONG. WE KNOW YOU ARE LYING, BUT IT IS JUST NOT WORTH THE HASSLE! 1. IF YOU ASK A QUESTION YOU DON'T WANT AN ANSWER TO, EXPECT AN ANSWER YOU DON'T WANT TO HEAR. 1. WHEN WE HAVE TO GO SOMEWHERE, ABSOLUTELY ANYTHING YOU WEAR IS FINE...REALLY! 1. DON'T ASK US WHAT WE'RE THINKING ABOUT UNLESS YOU ARE PREPARED TO DISCUSS SUCH TOPICS AS FOOTBALL, HOCKEY, OR MOTOR SPORTS. 1. YOU HAVE ENOUGH CLOTHES! 1. YOU HAVE WAY TOO MANY SHOES!! 1. I AM IN SHAPE. ROUND IS A SHAPE!THANK YOU FOR READING THIS. YES, I KNOW, I HAVE TO SLEEP ON THE COUCH TONIGHT, BUT DID YOU KNOW MEN REALLY DON'T MIND THAT? IT'S LIKE CAMPING... 2 1 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BrooksBurner Posted February 1, 2023 Share Posted February 1, 2023 I agree with #1 1 1 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Keirik Posted February 1, 2023 Share Posted February 1, 2023 12 minutes ago, BrooksBurner said: I agree with #1 I’ve met the dude. I wouldn’t expect him to count past that. 1 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BrooksBurner Posted February 1, 2023 Share Posted February 1, 2023 Re toilet seat: https://www.tiktok.com/t/ZTRsbUfC7/ Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
phillyb Posted February 1, 2023 Share Posted February 1, 2023 Put the seat down, you idiots. And cover it too. No one wants to look in your fucking shithole. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SaveByRichter35 Posted February 2, 2023 Share Posted February 2, 2023 On 1/31/2023 at 8:12 PM, phillyb said: Put the seat down, you idiots. And cover it too. No one wants to look in your fucking shithole. I agree with this simply because what happens when you flush a toilet with the lid up is absofuckinglutely disgusting. 1 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Albatrosss Posted February 3, 2023 Share Posted February 3, 2023 at home i sit down to pee, cause otherwise i piss all over the toilet. 1 1 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BlairBettsBlocksEverything Posted February 3, 2023 Share Posted February 3, 2023 8 minutes ago, CCCP said: at home i sit down to pee, cause otherwise i piss all over the toilet. and its generally more comfortable. like yeah the pee is over but if I wanna sit there another few minutes and browse on my phone/have my few square feet of personal space and solitude im gonna take it Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Albatrosss Posted February 3, 2023 Share Posted February 3, 2023 Just now, BlairBettsBlocksEverything said: and its generally more comfortable. like yeah the pee is over but if I wanna sit there another few minutes and browse on my phone/have my few square feet of personal space and solitude im gonna take it squeeze out couple of farts in private Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BlairBettsBlocksEverything Posted February 3, 2023 Share Posted February 3, 2023 (edited) 10 minutes ago, CCCP said: squeeze out couple of farts in private gotta disagree with you there. Its my house, I'll let em go wherever and whenever Edited February 3, 2023 by BlairBettsBlocksEverything 1 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Albatrosss Posted February 3, 2023 Share Posted February 3, 2023 9 minutes ago, BlairBettsBlocksEverything said: gotta disagree with you there. Its my house, I'll let em go wherever and whenever i worry about my kids dying from oxygen depravation. that's all Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
phillyb Posted February 3, 2023 Share Posted February 3, 2023 Never trust a fart. I've shit my pants thrice in adulthood...never again lol. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SaveByRichter35 Posted February 3, 2023 Share Posted February 3, 2023 2 hours ago, CCCP said: at home i sit down to pee, cause otherwise i piss all over the toilet. I'm trying to teach my 5 year old son to sit when he pees at home and stand everywhere else. He likes to stand. Fucker. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pete Posted February 4, 2023 Share Posted February 4, 2023 4 hours ago, SaveByRichter35 said: I'm trying to teach my 5 year old son to sit when he pees at home and stand everywhere else. He likes to stand. Fucker. If you're not sitting down at home, you're doing it wrong. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
phillyb Posted February 4, 2023 Share Posted February 4, 2023 Yeah, I sit to pee too. And you know what I don’t care about? Lifting the goddamnit cover. 1 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SaveByRichter35 Posted February 4, 2023 Share Posted February 4, 2023 Not going to lie. I am so relieved to hear other guys are doing this at home too 1 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BrooksBurner Posted February 4, 2023 Share Posted February 4, 2023 2 minutes ago, phillyb said: Yeah, I sit to pee too. And you know what I don’t care about? Lifting the goddamnit cover. Just leave the cover up. Like holy shit, are you leaving behind greasy shit stains that paste to the inside of your bowl? Or are you trying to trap the smell in there for the next person to get hit with the smell of death? Keep it open unless you’ve got something to hide. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SaveByRichter35 Posted February 4, 2023 Share Posted February 4, 2023 2 minutes ago, BrooksBurner said: Just leave the cover up. Like holy shit, are you leaving behind greasy shit stains that paste to the inside of your bowl? Or are you trying to trap the smell in there for the next person to get hit with the smell of death? Keep it open unless you’ve got something to hide. FUCK no. Do you know what happens when you flush a toilet with the lid up? Its like a microscopic nuclear bomb mushroom cloud of germs and shit particles exploding all over your bathroom. Put the lid down you savage. I hope your toothbrushes are covered. 1 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Albatrosss Posted February 4, 2023 Share Posted February 4, 2023 I gotta see what im flushing. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Albatrosss Posted February 4, 2023 Share Posted February 4, 2023 16 hours ago, SaveByRichter35 said: I'm trying to teach my 5 year old son to sit when he pees at home and stand everywhere else. He likes to stand. Fucker. Little man!!! His wife will bitch slap that out of him some day. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pete Posted February 4, 2023 Share Posted February 4, 2023 15 hours ago, SaveByRichter35 said: FUCK no. Do you know what happens when you flush a toilet with the lid up? Its like a microscopic nuclear bomb mushroom cloud of germs and shit particles exploding all over your bathroom. Put the lid down you savage. I hope your toothbrushes are covered. This. If you're not shutting the toilet, you're doing it wrong. Though I'm not surprised @BrooksBurner leaves the toilet uncovered. Fecal particles on the toothbrush are the leading cause of shitty opinions. 1 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
phillyb Posted February 4, 2023 Share Posted February 4, 2023 Literal shit-for-brains. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SaveByRichter35 Posted February 4, 2023 Share Posted February 4, 2023 Shit-for-teeth Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SaveByRichter35 Posted February 4, 2023 Share Posted February 4, 2023 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pete Posted February 4, 2023 Share Posted February 4, 2023 6 minutes ago, SaveByRichter35 said: Shit-for-teeth Talking shit! 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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