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Rural vs Suburb vs City Living


jsm7302

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I have mentioned it in a couple of threads about relocating from NJ to another state on the east coast. I have lived in Sussex County, NJ my entire life and am looking for a change of pace. For those that arent familiar, Sussex County is as rural as it gets in NJ. Beautiful country roads, lakes and scenic views but very little amenities and certainly ZERO walkability. 

 

I have friends in Jersey City and NYC that I grew up with that would never go back to rural life. I am craving something new (but warmer). Can you guys shed some light on living in different types of settings. Pros/Cons, suggestions.

 

I'm 36 with three kids so relocating isn't an easy task let alone reacclimating to a new way of life altogether, possibly in a city setting. Have any of you raised kids in a city?

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I relocated from upstate NY to Raleigh, NC 8 years ago. I live about 25 minutes from downtown Raleigh. I would describe my living situation as a rural suburb (half-acre+ kind of lots), due to it's closeness to the city yet the many farm lands around the area where I live. To me, it's perfect for raising kids due to proximity to "stuff", yet with peacefulness, quiet neighborhoods, and property/space. However, it is expanding fast. Houses going up all over, and new housing extending further and further out from the city. Not sure how long all of these farm land owners will hold out from selling. I'm not a city guy at all. I wouldn't want to live in a city or close enough to the point where it felt like I was right outside of one. If it ever got too busy where I'm at now, I'd just move further out (remote work).

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24 minutes ago, jsm7302 said:

I have mentioned it in a couple of threads about relocating from NJ to another state on the east coast. I have lived in Sussex County, NJ my entire life and am looking for a change of pace. For those that arent familiar, Sussex County is as rural as it gets in NJ. Beautiful country roads, lakes and scenic views but very little amenities and certainly ZERO walkability. 

 

I have friends in Jersey City and NYC that I grew up with that would never go back to rural life. I am craving something new (but warmer). Can you guys shed some light on living in different types of settings. Pros/Cons, suggestions.

 

I'm 36 with three kids so relocating isn't an easy task let alone reacclimating to a new way of life altogether, possibly in a city setting. Have any of you raised kids in a city?

We live in Springfield, nice little town nestled between Summit and Millburn. Diverse, walkable.

 

Any area you're looking for is probably going to have the same issues I'm assuming you're leaving Jersey for. But, I'd never go rural. It's boring.

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22 minutes ago, jsm7302 said:

I have mentioned it in a couple of threads about relocating from NJ to another state on the east coast. I have lived in Sussex County, NJ my entire life and am looking for a change of pace. For those that arent familiar, Sussex County is as rural as it gets in NJ. Beautiful country roads, lakes and scenic views but very little amenities and certainly ZERO walkability. 

 

I have friends in Jersey City and NYC that I grew up with that would never go back to rural life. I am craving something new (but warmer). Can you guys shed some light on living in different types of settings. Pros/Cons, suggestions.

 

I'm 36 with three kids so relocating isn't an easy task let alone reacclimating to a new way of life altogether, possibly in a city setting. Have any of you raised kids in a city?


Schools. Big/small, athletic opportunities (more with smaller schools), how far away is the school, etc

 

childcare. Is family close? Or a support system. Not your old high school friends, they’re essentially irrelevant in this unless they offer a benefit for your family. 
 

what do family members do for fun? Hockey- moving south will change that. Beach goers, don’t move inland. Snow vs sun.
 

We like our own lives, privacy, space, and a warm (heart not heat) area. We did a ton of research on things like taxes, schools, etc. even commute times. We are also fine with quiet days do nothing. 
 

also, moving to a great spot (or dream home) is not an overnight thing. We took almost 3 years on the first one, and 2 years to pick the second one. Both in good area, low taxes, medium size yard (we want bigger, eventually) 

 

also, look in an area that will allow the value of the house to increase. One house was in a neighborhood of old people. It’s turning over now and the value of the house has almost doubled since purchased ~8 years ago. Current house is in a desirable school district, has incredibly low taxes. Value has increased 33% in 4 years. 
 

 

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I moved from long Island to the  Poconos in PA. Just north of you. I commute all over Jersey daily for my job. 

 

I wanted peace and quiet and value in my house for my money. I got that. But I miss being just minutes away from anything and everything. 

 

Sounds like Long Island is for you. LOL. Lots to do, things are open late, but it's extremely overpriced and turning to shit. Many people are leaving. The housing market is a joke. You get nothing for your money. But it's a very convenient place to live and work for people who want to be active. The road system is congested and falling apart (seems like that's everywhere though)yet so easy to navigate and figure out the lay of the land. Kinda it's own mis-shapen grid system that makes a hell of a lot more sense sense than Jersey. 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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I think you're getting a good read from Josh and The Dude here, mate. I'd expand on both:

 

1 - Do not underestimate how valuable a nearby support system is under any circumstances, especially with the kids. It's irreplaceable. 

2 - Infrastructure is shit everywhere these days. It's worse the further you get from an urban center.

3 - It sounds to me like you're looking for a place where you can have your cake and eat it too. Where we've found some success in that is picking growing cities where you can live in the (or very near to) downtown - you get that action and walkability, and usually don't have to sacrifice much to get the other benefits. Orlando fit that bill in the mid 10s when we moved here, but now you'd be looking at smaller cities than that given the stupid housing market. 

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Vernon

 

Assuming you're from the sticks as well? Haha

 

We are talking with a realtor in Virginia Beach and probably making a trip down there this spring to check the area out. Kind of like the idea of being near downtown. I love Montclair but cannot afford to live there so im hoping to find something similar.

 

The support system is a fantastic point and we have some family on board to make the move with us which will alleviate a part of that but leaving friends and the family that wouldn't be going would certainly be the hard part.

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2 hours ago, The Dude said:

I moved from long Island to the  Poconos in PA. Just north of you. I commute all over Jersey daily for my job. 

 

I wanted peace and quiet and value in my house for my money. I got that. But I miss being just minutes away from anything and everything. 

 

Sounds like Long Island is for you. LOL. Lots to do, things are open late, but it's extremely overpriced and turning to shit. Many people are leaving. The housing market is a joke. You get nothing for your money. But it's a very convenient place to live and work for people who want to be active. The road system is congested and falling apart (seems like that's everywhere though)yet so easy to navigate and figure out the lay of the land. Kinda it's own mis-shapen grid system that makes a hell of a lot more sense sense than Jersey. 

 

 

 

 

 

 

It’s funny. I’m from Queens and moved to Long Island at a young age. I travelled earlier in my life all over the place in different countries but always knew Long Island was home. Missed it just for the sheer fact that it really had a little bit of everything. As I’ve gotten older, I often take day trips to Bartonsville just because my parents used to always do that when I was a kid. I have a soft spot for the Poconos area and especially Bartonsville. Parents got married there I believe and had their honeymoon back in the 70s in some cheesy Poconos place with a heart shaped tub I assume lol

 

    My wife and I when we were just dating would take trips to that American Candle factory there and specifically go to Red Robins for dinner just because my parents used to take trips there when they were dating and I felt some connection. There apparently was some local breakfast place where they would serve you your eggs in a skillet right at the table. My dad got a kick out of that place god rest his soul lol

 

   I used to toy with the idea of getting a summer place there but honestly,  there would rarely be more than a day or two before I’d think “welp time to head back home.”

 

moral of the story in my mind. Rural is great, until it’s all you have. Then you wish you had the suburbs just because it has all the rest of what you need most other days. 

 

 

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7 hours ago, jsm7302 said:

Vernon

 

Assuming you're from the sticks as well? Haha

 

We are talking with a realtor in Virginia Beach and probably making a trip down there this spring to check the area out. Kind of like the idea of being near downtown. I love Montclair but cannot afford to live there so im hoping to find something similar.

 

The support system is a fantastic point and we have some family on board to make the move with us which will alleviate a part of that but leaving friends and the family that wouldn't be going would certainly be the hard part.

Consider Austin, TX. Warm, lots to do, clean, just on that verge of blowing up. 

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Moved from queens to my in-laws place in Uniondale about 1.5 yrs ago. Bought a house in Islip in December which I’m just finishing up renovations on now and I can’t wait to move in.

 

left queens because I was tired of people, apartment living and not having anywhere to park. Uniondale was a nice change of pace but now I kind of feel it’s almost too busy around here for me too.  I’m married, have a kid- when I thought about it we don’t go bar hopping, we do broadway and concerts at this point maybe 1-2 times a year. I refuse to go to ranger games unless I get free tix, when we see our friends it’s always planned anyway so we don’t need to necessarily be close to anyone. Made sense to move suburban.  I think it all depends on your lifestyle- even when I have to travel to the city for work I know I’m coming home to a bigger house and a yard I can relax in. About the only thing I miss about queens is having roller-hockey rinks available to just go for a skate in. Long Island- as hockey centric as it is apparently doesn’t have any of these open to the public. 
 

Next house I buy (probably when we retire) will either be totally in the sticks or somewhere warm like Arizona or Florida.

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4 minutes ago, phillyb said:

I have no advice, just came here to read. I move so much and I’m sorta looking for ideas hahhaa. 

 

NYC -> Northeast PA -> Vergennes, VT -> Los Angeles -> back to NEPA,  now Chicago. 

Didn't you just rebuild your whole house hahah.

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8 hours ago, jsm7302 said:

Vernon

 

Assuming you're from the sticks as well? Haha

 

We are talking with a realtor in Virginia Beach and probably making a trip down there this spring to check the area out. Kind of like the idea of being near downtown. I love Montclair but cannot afford to live there so im hoping to find something similar.

 

The support system is a fantastic point and we have some family on board to make the move with us which will alleviate a part of that but leaving friends and the family that wouldn't be going would certainly be the hard part.

 

I grew up in Passaic County, but went to Pope John.  Moved to Utah 13 years ago but that sounds too far West for you.   I'd look at Texas like Pete said if I were to move again.

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I live in the town I grew up in. Very rural. Hanover, Ontario. Acts as a bit of a service hub for the surrounding smaller towns and farms. Population about 7,500.

 

For me, I simply wouldn't raise my kids anywhere else. There are problems to be sure, our downtown has cratered since my youth, we can't sweep all the methods heads under the rug, anymore, but compared to a upstate NY, or mid west comparable it probably looks like Martha's Vineyard.

 

Growing up I was completely integrated in to the town. My dad was the CAO, I was concurrently the starting short stop, goalie, point guard, and corner back. This integration provided me with almost complete security, love, and happiness. That faltered a bit when I had young kids, and worked away for months on end, and was unable to attend socials, and games, whatever, but I've been busy rehabilitating that integration the past couple years, through vounteer groups, coaching, etc as my work allows.

 

This means I can reasonably secure in the fact that my kids will have the same advantages I had in the community. They'll never get lost, there's no people to be afraid of, we don't lock our doors, i know every cop in town, etc, etc. 

 

However, this all comes at a cost of anonymity. I have none. Neighbours wander over and walk right in. Every one has to know everyone's business. It's just the nature of the beast. I like it, because I don't defraud the townsfolk, nor cheat on my wife, but for some.. they go insane.

 

I've also found that newcomers can have issues integrating. I'm very guilty of this, myself. I don't want you here. I don't want the town to progress, in fact, I'd be happier if it went backwards a few decades. So, full disclosure, people like me will make your integration difficult. Not impossible, but you'll have to earn it.

 

There are no classes in my town. You want a classless society? Rural living is as close as you'll get. Nobody here is truly rich, but I'm just as comfortable holding a discussion with my CFO or CEO as I am with a single mother who lives in government housing. In fact, at the rink, you'll all socialize together, and cheer for each other's kids. If something happens and you're facing a crisis, put up a GFM, it'll have 10k in it in a week.

 

All in all, the choice is easy, for me, but to each their own.

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1 hour ago, Pete said:

Consider Austin, TX. Warm, lots to do, clean, just on that verge of blowing up. 

 

Austin's blown up since the pandemic and the great resignation. Same as a bunch of the other up-and-coming cities in the south like Nashville, Charlotte, Orlando, Tampa, Atlanta, NCs Research Triangle, and so on. Let's not even get into the mountain cities like Boulder and Provo. 

 

At this point, you're looking at the next tier down - the high profile college towns, the aspiring smaller cities (Charleston SC, for example), or the suburbs where it hasn't quite gone off yet.  Either that or just bide your time until the real estate bubble pops and the market corrects - if that's even in the cards.

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1 hour ago, Dunny said:

I live in the town I grew up in. Very rural. Hanover, Ontario. Acts as a bit of a service hub for the surrounding smaller towns and farms. Population about 7,500.

 

For me, I simply wouldn't raise my kids anywhere else. There are problems to be sure, our downtown has cratered since my youth, we can't sweep all the methods heads under the rug, anymore, but compared to a upstate NY, or mid west comparable it probably looks like Martha's Vineyard.

 

Growing up I was completely integrated in to the town. My dad was the CAO, I was concurrently the starting short stop, goalie, point guard, and corner back. This integration provided me with almost complete security, love, and happiness. That faltered a bit when I had young kids, and worked away for months on end, and was unable to attend socials, and games, whatever, but I've been busy rehabilitating that integration the past couple years, through vounteer groups, coaching, etc as my work allows.

 

This means I can reasonably secure in the fact that my kids will have the same advantages I had in the community. They'll never get lost, there's no people to be afraid of, we don't lock our doors, i know every cop in town, etc, etc. 

 

However, this all comes at a cost of anonymity. I have none. Neighbours wander over and walk right in. Every one has to know everyone's business. It's just the nature of the beast. I like it, because I don't defraud the townsfolk, nor cheat on my wife, but for some.. they go insane.

 

I've also found that newcomers can have issues integrating. I'm very guilty of this, myself. I don't want you here. I don't want the town to progress, in fact, I'd be happier if it went backwards a few decades. So, full disclosure, people like me will make your integration difficult. Not impossible, but you'll have to earn it.

 

There are no classes in my town. You want a classless society? Rural living is as close as you'll get. Nobody here is truly rich, but I'm just as comfortable holding a discussion with my CFO or CEO as I am with a single mother who lives in government housing. In fact, at the rink, you'll all socialize together, and cheer for each other's kids. If something happens and you're facing a crisis, put up a GFM, it'll have 10k in it in a week.

 

All in all, the choice is easy, for me, but to each their own.

Sounds great. Why are you so angry?

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1 hour ago, Dunny said:

You guys are talking about major metropolitan centres like they're farming communities lol

 

The south is bizarre in that you're almost always 10 miles from a farming community. You really can have that duality here if you want it.

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Grew up on Long Island (had a great childhood in western Suffolk Co.). After college and job/relocations ended up settling in the far suburbs of Philadelphia. One would say rural-suburbia. I think it's a great place and I would choose it 100x over where I grew up now as an adult, raising a family for 2 reasons....

 

1. Cost of living

2. Not overcrowded

 

I like being within a few minute drive of stores/outlets but also a few minute drive of farmland. Also can get a new build home 3000-4500 sqft for under $500,000. With a general expansion in the burbs north/west of Philly more money is being pumped into these once rural towns improving school districts, roads, etc. I'm happy with the school districts my kids have been (they recently changed districts). I'd rate them both very good. 

 

Our move (to a new build home) 3 years ago was a 10 mile shift out toward the country in an effort to get alot more home for our $. Basically was able to get 3750 sqft for $400K vs what would have been 500K (3 years ago) had we stayed in the same town.  This took our drive into Center City Philly from 45 minutes to about an hour.  I'm about an hour from Amish County, PA and an hour from the southern Poconos. I can be at the central Jersey shore in just under 2 hours. Really not a bad spot overall in terms of location. 

 

My personal preference once my kids are in college, or shortly thereafter is to move south toward the Carolinas/Georigia/Florida primairly because I want no part of sustained cold weather once I'm in my 60s+

Edited by Parsley
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On 4/24/2022 at 9:32 PM, Pete said:

We live in Springfield, nice little town nestled between Summit and Millburn. Diverse, walkable.

 

Any area you're looking for is probably going to have the same issues I'm assuming you're leaving Jersey for. But, I'd never go rural. It's boring.

Springfield is nice. That's where my best friend has lived the past 10 years. Reminds me of some central Long Island towns with the nice downtowns around. I do miss a good NY-style deli.

 

I like Oscar's Deli in Millburn.

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37 minutes ago, Parsley said:

Springfield is nice. That's where my best friend has lived the past 10 years. Reminds me of some central Long Island towns with the nice downtowns around. I do miss a good NY-style deli.

 

I like Oscar's Deli in Millburn.

I don't think I've been. We went to the Millburn deli a few times but the food wasn't worth the wait. 

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