Spitlight: G1000

1. Why is it so hard for you to shut the fuck up?

2. As a hater of ketchup, what will you tell your kids when they find out ketchup is no longer allowed in the house?

3. When did you decide to become an EA Informant and why did you betray the brotherhood?

4. What do you miss most about living in NY?

5. Guilty pleasure?

6. Biggest Pet Peeve?

1. You have the chance to work on a political campaign — would your rather it be local grassroots or federal with national exposure?

2. Would you rather eat an entire sushi dinner with ketchup or an entire pizza with pineapple? If you choose neither or duck the question, you must eat both.

3. How much money would you realistically need to be paid to publicly promote Trump's 2024 presidential bid?

4. Which ex-Rangers enforcer would you rather sign to a one-day contract to beat attempt to beat the ever-living fuck out of Tom Wilson tonight — Cody McLeod, Donald Brashear, or Arron Asham?

5. What's the most embarrassing piece of sports memorabilia you own?

1) Most embarrassing story you have from junior high school/high school?

2) Who's a celebrity that everyone thinks is hot that you dont?

3) The power of flight or invisibility? Why?

4) What is the dumbest way you have injured yourself?

5) Childhood celebrity crush?

1. Why is it so hard for you to shut the fuck up?

Would you believe I legitimately enjoy debating with people, talking to people, sharing knowledge, and hearing their perspectives? I'm sure that comes as surprising to you. Speaking of sharing knowledge, you know, the phrase 'shut the fuck up' is weird - you can't really shut a fuck. Even if you look at the root words, it makes no sense. Ficken, fokken, fukka, focka, fock - none of them can be shut. Interesting that in Swedish, focka means both to strike and to fuck. Might be why their porn is so strange.

Anyway, fuck it, I like talking.

2. As a hater of ketchup, what will you tell your kids when they find out ketchup is no longer allowed in the house?

I wouldn't deny my little guy his ketchup, but as we've discussed, ketchup is a flavor masker more than it is an actual condiment, and there is almost always a better choice. I'll demonstrate at the cookout.

3. When did you decide to become an EA Informant and why did you betray the brotherhood?

They paid better.

4. What do you miss most about living in NY?

Access to culture and pro sports. I'm within driving distance of multiple big 4 teams, but it's just different being able to do it on a whim instead of planning thoroughly.

5. Guilty pleasure?

Can you narrow it down? I could answer with Chex Mix, mozzarella cheese, SNES games, Taylor Swift, Dragon Ball - just depends on what you call guilty.

6. Biggest Pet Peeve?

Right now, it's when people act like they don't know how to use Zoom or some shit. You should know when your mic is on, Karen. You shouldn't have to ask if you can be heard or your can be seen or your screen is being shared.

1. You have the chance to work on a political campaign — would your rather it be local grassroots or federal with national exposure?

The candidate or my role? If a candidate - I don't know if I care too much. I'm just looking for good ideas to get behind. If it's my role - definitely local. I don't really want the national spotlight, ever. I've also been surprisingly politically inactive for most of my life besides voting and staying informed, and I'm certain that in future years I'll be volunteering, largely to make sure there are enough people voting that DeSantis loses the governorship.

2. Would you rather eat an entire sushi dinner with ketchup or an entire pizza with pineapple? If you choose neither or duck the question, you must eat both.

Pineapple pizza. The concept of sushi with ketchup is absolutely gag-inducing.

3. How much money would you realistically need to be paid to publicly promote Trump's 2024 presidential bid?

My initial reaction was "there isn't enough money in the world", but I'm certain there is. I'm going to set the number at $177.6 million and extradition to a country of my choice with full citizenship rights once the whole thing goes tits up and the entire campaign is wanted for treason.

4. Which ex-Rangers enforcer would you rather sign to a one-day contract to beat attempt to beat the ever-living fuck out of Tom Wilson tonight — Cody McLeod, Donald Brashear, or Arron Asham?

Do I get them as the Ranger or at their peak? If as a Ranger - Asham. If at peak? Brashear.

5. What's the most embarrassing piece of sports memorabilia you own?

Oof...lets see. Pick whichever you like - aside from the puck, most of this is in storage from when I was like 10:

Ilya Kovalchuk signed Atlanta Thrashers puck

A signed Todd Bertuzzi picture

A New Jersey Devils '95 Cup Champions hat

A Bryant "Big Country" Reeves Vancouver Grizzlies jersey

1) Most embarrassing story you have from junior high school/high school?

I had a pair of pants that had an elastic tie on the back pocket. The tie caught on a door and literally ripped a hole in my pants from ass to knee. It was first period and I was over an hour from home, so I basically taped it shut and went on with my day...but I couldn't get tape for an hour or so.

2) Who's a celebrity that everyone thinks is hot that you dont?

Iggy Azalea. I don't get it. I just do not get it.

3) The power of flight or invisibility? Why?

Flight. When I take a shit on Tom Wilson's head, I want him to know it was me.

4) What is the dumbest way you have injured yourself?

Somehow, I don't have any truly dumb ones, but the dumbest for me was an instinct move. I was cutting bread with a bread knife, and the knife slipped. Instinct would dictate that you try to catch it, so I did. Word to the wise - always let the knife fall to the floor. Always. What makes this dumber is that I had the bleeding under control and = because it was a deep cut - still decided to go to the hospital, where they gave me neosporin, a bandaid, and a bill for my ER copay. Oops.

5) Childhood celebrity crush?

Topanga.

A New Jersey Devils '95 Cup Champions hat

Shame, man, shame. lol You should be using that as kindling or something.

Also you are the first person I've ever seen/heard use the word 'empirically' in a sentence, so thank you for that. Cool word.

1. What Florida sports team do you like the most?

2. Italian or take out Chinese?

3. Why did you move to Florida?

4. Favorite spots to visit in Florida.

Shame, man, shame. lol You should be using that as kindling or something.

Pretty sure I got it as a gift and my dad uses it when he's fixing the car. It used to be white and black and it's now an oily, brownish-blackish color. I'm afraid that if I use it as kindling, it might explode.

1. What Florida sports team do you like the most?

I moved down here when the Lightning were the Rangers 2.0, so it was really easy to get on board with them, and they're closest to me. I go to every Lightning/Rangers game and I try to get to the ones in Sunrise when I can - that's just too far for a true day trip.

2. Italian or take out Chinese?

Chinese. Nothing against Italian food - I just prefer actually cooking Italian food instead of ordering it.

3. Why did you move to Florida?

Work, actually. My wife (then girlfriend) and I were looking to get out of NY and we narrowed it down to three places - Florida was the destination if I got a promotion I was angling for that would require me to work from office, and Colorado if I didn't (my job was remote). I'm certain we'll move to Colorado at some point, but we've got family here and with a small child, that's a major factor.

4. Favorite spots to visit in Florida.

I don't usually stray from the cities. Florida Man isn't a legend. That shit's real. I really dig Gainesville - it's got a bit of everything and seeing a game at the Swamp is a ton of fun. Finding the small beach towns on the barrier islands is fun - they're usually truly weird places. Little hipster retiree colonies and the like. Orlando's downtown and immediate surrounding areas are really awesome too - plenty of speakeasies, good bars, good food, and Orlando City puts out a really good product.

Hey hey G Man!!!

Ok dude, here ya go:

1. How do you compare driving in Florida with driving in NY?

2. All the mods have a hockey team. One of your opponents cheap shots one of the mods during the game. Who's the first one you jump over the boards to defend, knowing that you'll be suspended for 40 games?

3. I walk in the bar where you're watching the game...Whatcha drinkin'?

4. Which Classic Rock song is your entrance music?

5. What's the funniest thing you've ever seen happen in an NHL game??

:cheers:

How old will you be when you get ANIMAL RIGHTS tattooed on your arms?

The year is 1766, what's your occupation?

You are on the next Jake Paul boxing undercard. You get to pick your opponent. Which celebrity are you fighting?

Do you think Jules thinks he's better than you?

What's the last piece of clothing your purchased?

Hey hey G Man!!!

 

Ok dude, here ya go:

 

1. How do you compare driving in Florida with driving in NY?

 

Way more leisurely, but I've got the advantage of basically only driving when I want to. My area is as walkable as NYC; I literally only drive if it's raining or I'm heading more than a mile away. On the highways, it's roughly equally chaotic.

 

2. All the mods have a hockey team. One of your opponents cheap shots one of the mods during the game. Who's the first one you jump over the boards to defend, knowing that you'll be suspended for 40 games?

 

AmericanJesus, mostly because I'm like 85% sure he'd find a way to make my suspension disappear.

 

3. I walk in the bar where you're watching the game...Whatcha drinkin'?

 

For starters, probably whatever stout is on tap. By the second? Scotch. Neat.

 

4. Which Classic Rock song is your entrance music?

 

Does classic rock now entail the 90s? Is that classic now?

 

Thunderstruck - AC/DC

 

5. What's the funniest thing you've ever seen happen in an NHL game??

 

:cheers:

 

I was at the Rangers-Lightning game last season where they gave up 9 goals in the first two periods or whatever. That was pretty funny/sad.

 

I was at a game where a ref got hit in the head with a puck and had to leave the game.

 

My favorite was seeing a dude in a scuba suit with an 87 stitched to the back walking around the Garden during a Rangers-Pens game, though. That shit was ACES.

How old will you be when you get ANIMAL RIGHTS tattooed on your arms?

Already do.

The year is 1766, what's your occupation?

Aspirationally, a blacksmith. Realistically, probably a professor.

You are on the next Jake Paul boxing undercard. You get to pick your opponent. Which celebrity are you fighting?

Any celeb? And I get to punch them in the face, repeatedly?

Tucker Carlson.

Do you think Jules thinks he's better than you?

Nah, but I do wish he'd post more. He's truly one of the best.

What's the last piece of clothing your purchased?

Black basketball shorts, aka work pants.

1. Whats your thoughts on Jim Dolan?

His band will never make it.

Would you rather convert to veganism or Hasidism?

You're a miserable shit - this is literally my nightmare scenario. Either way, I lose bacon...I..uh...vegan I guess.

Kill, Marry, Fuck: Ann Coulter, Laura Ingraham, Marjorie Taylor Greene

If you could change one thing about the design of the human body, what would you change?

You have to hang an 8x10 autographed poster in your living room for the rest of your miserable life. Tony DeAngelo or Tom Wilson?

You have to french kiss for 10 seconds with one of Tony DeAngelo or Tom Wilson? Who's it gonna be?

If you had enough money to convince Dolan to sell the Rangers to you, what would be your first move?

Kill, Marry, Fuck: Ann Coulter, Laura Ingraham, Marjorie Taylor Greene

Yeah I had this one coming. Was hoping you'd throw me Boebert here, tbqh. Breaks the damn hot/crazy scale. She's going to have a phenomenal career in porn when she's voted out.

Kill Ingraham. Fuck MTG. Marry Coulter and hire a real good lawyer.

If you could change one thing about the design of the human body, what would you change?

It lacks the ability to metabolize beer and donuts quickly enough. Hell, it doesn't metabolize anything quickly enough. We're not fat because we eat too much, it's because our bodies are too slow.

You have to hang an 8x10 autographed poster in your living room for the rest of your miserable life. Tony DeAngelo or Tom Wilson?

DeAngelo. At least it's a Rangers poster, I guess.

You have to french kiss for 10 seconds with one of Tony DeAngelo or Tom Wilson? Who's it gonna be?

Wilson again. Game respect game - he's a good lookin' dude.

If you had enough money to convince Dolan to sell the Rangers to you, what would be your first move?

Get Sather as far from this team as possible. We don't need Wormtongue up in here anymore.

Yeah I had this one coming. Was hoping you'd throw me Boebert here, tbqh. Breaks the damn hot/crazy scale. She's going to have a phenomenal career in porn when she's voted out.

 

Kill Ingraham. Fuck MTG. Marry Coulter and hire a real good lawyer.

 

 

 

It lacks the ability to metabolize beer and donuts quickly enough. Hell, it doesn't metabolize anything quickly enough. We're not fat because we eat too much, it's because our bodies are too slow.

 

 

 

DeAngelo. At least it's a Rangers poster, I guess.

 

 

 

Wilson again. Game respect game - he's a good lookin' dude.

 

 

 

Get Sather as far from this team as possible. We don't need Wormtongue up in here anymore.

Damn, I can't believe you'd fuck MTG, wow

1. What is your favorite book?

2. If you could only book a flight to one place and stay for a year, were would it be?

3. If you were ever arrested, what would you be booked for?

4. If you had to bookend three consecutive years of your life as most memorable, which 3 years would it be?

5. If you had the opportunity to book two tickets to see any musician in history live, who would it be and who would you take?

Damn, I can't believe you'd fuck MTG, wow

Seriously. So gross. She looks like Hulk Hogan.

Damn, I can't believe you'd fuck MTG, wow

Seriously. So gross. She looks like Hulk Hogan.

It's fuckin, not lovin. Nobody said anything about looking at her face.

1. What is your favorite book?

 

2. If you could only book a flight to one place and stay for a year, were would it be?

 

3. If you were ever arrested, what would you be booked for?

 

4. If you had to bookend three consecutive years of your life as most memorable, which 3 years would it be?

 

5. If you had the opportunity to book two tickets to see any musician in history live, who would it be and who would you take?

1) The Communist Manifesto

2) China

3) Peeing in public

4) 2016-2019, cause Trump

5) Diplo. A front line health care worker