MAN RULES!!!

I found this gem over the weekend and figured you guys might get a kick out of it, so without further adieu....

 

MAN RULES

 

WE ALWAYS HEAR 'THE RULES' FROM THE FEMALE SIDE. NOW HERE ARE THE RULES FROM THE MALE SIDE.

 

THESE ARE OUR RULES! PLEASE NOTE: THESE ARE ALL NUMBERED #1 ON PURPOSE!

 

1. MEN ARE NOT MIND READERS.

 

1. LEARN TO WORK THE TOILET SEAT. YOU'RE A BIG GIRL! IF IT'S UP, PUT IT DOWN. WE NEED IT UP, YOU NEED IT DOWN. YOU DON'T HEAR US COMPLAINING ABOUT YOU LEAVING IT DOWN!

 

1. CRYING IS BLACKMAIL!

 

1. ASK FOR WHAT YOU WANT. LET US BE CLEAR ON THIS ONE:

 

• SUBTLE HINTS DO NOT WORK!
  
• STRONG HINTS DO NOT WORK!
  
• OBVIOUS HINTS DO NOT WORK!
  
• JUST FUCKING SAY IT!!!

 

1. YES AND NO ARE PERFECTLY ACCEPTABLE ANSWERS TO ALMOST EVERY QUESTION.

 

1. COME TO US WITH A PROBLEM ONLY IF YOU WANT HELP SOLVING IT. THAT'S WHAT WE DO. SYMPATHY IS WHAT YOUR GIRLFRIENDS ARE FOR.

 

1. ANYTHING WE SAID 6 MONTHS AGO IS INADMISSIBLE IN AN ARGUMENT. IN FACT, ALL COMMENTS BECOME NULL AND VOID AFTER 7 DAYS.

 

1. IF YOU THINK YOU'RE FAT, YOU PROBABLY ARE. DON'T ASK US!!!

 

1. IF SOMETHING WE SAID CAN BE INTERPRETED TWO WAYS AND ONE OF THE WAYS MAKES YOU SAD OR ANGRY, WE MEANT THE OTHER ONE!

 

1. YOU CAN EITHER ASK US TO DO SOMETHING OR TELL US HOW YOU WANT IT DONE. NOT BOTH. IF YOU ALREADY KNOW BEST HOW TO DO IT, JUST DO IT YOURSELF!!!

 

1. WHENEVER POSSIBLE, PLEASE SAY WHATEVER YOU HAVE TO SAY DURING COMMERCIALS.

 

1. CHRISTOPHER COLUMBUS DID NOT NEED DIRECTIONS AND NEITHER DO WE!!

 

1. ALL MEN SEE IN ONLY 16 COLORS, LIKE WINDOWS DEFAULT SETTINGS...PEACH, FOR EXAMPLE, IS A FRUIT, NOT A COLOR. PUMPKIN IS ALSO A FRUIT. WE HAVE NO IDEA WHAT MAUVE IS!

 

1. IF WE ASK WHAT IS WRONG AND YOU SAY 'NOTHING,' WE WILL ACT LIKE NOTHING'S WRONG. WE KNOW YOU ARE LYING, BUT IT IS JUST NOT WORTH THE HASSLE!

 

1. IF YOU ASK A QUESTION YOU DON'T WANT AN ANSWER TO, EXPECT AN ANSWER YOU DON'T WANT TO HEAR.

 

1. WHEN WE HAVE TO GO SOMEWHERE, ABSOLUTELY ANYTHING YOU WEAR IS FINE...REALLY!

 

1. DON'T ASK US WHAT WE'RE THINKING ABOUT UNLESS YOU ARE PREPARED TO DISCUSS SUCH TOPICS AS FOOTBALL, HOCKEY, OR MOTOR SPORTS.

 

1. YOU HAVE ENOUGH CLOTHES!

 

1. YOU HAVE WAY TOO MANY SHOES!!

 

1. I AM IN SHAPE. ROUND IS A SHAPE!

 

1. THANK YOU FOR READING THIS. YES, I KNOW, I HAVE TO SLEEP ON THE COUCH TONIGHT, BUT DID YOU KNOW MEN REALLY DON'T MIND THAT? IT'S LIKE CAMPING...

 

SHARE THIS WITH AS MANY GUYS AS YOU CAN - TO GIVE THEM A LAUGH...

 

SHARE THIS WITH AS MANY WOMEN AS YOU CAN - TO GIVE THEM A BIGGER LAUGH, BECAUSE IT’S TRUE!!!! :rofl:

 

Ozz ;)

1. COME TO US WITH A PROBLEM ONLY IF YOU WANT HELP SOLVING IT. THAT'S WHAT WE DO. SYMPATHY IS WHAT YOUR GIRLFRIENDS ARE FOR.

 

Truer words have never been spoken.

 

 

Sent from my iPhone using Blueshirts Brotherhood mobile app powered by Tapatalk

Think this is what the kids call "toxic masculinity" these days and I tend to agree

Truer words have never been spoken.

 

 

Sent from my iPhone using Blueshirts Brotherhood mobile app powered by Tapatalk

 

This should be a sticky!! :rofl:

Spoken like a true unmarried man :p

1. WHENEVER POSSIBLE, PLEASE SAY WHATEVER YOU HAVE TO SAY DURING COMMERCIALS.

 

so true

Spoken like a true unmarried man :p

 

I knew you'd love this one, Big K!! LOL

LMAO this is gold Ozzy.

 

"1. IF YOU THINK YOU'RE FAT, YOU PROBABLY ARE. DON'T ASK US!!!" :rofl:

I think everyone can relate to a rule in there, Zuuuuc man!!!

 

...some of us more than others!!!! ;)

1. IF WE ASK WHAT IS WRONG AND YOU SAY 'NOTHING,' WE WILL ACT LIKE NOTHING'S WRONG. WE KNOW YOU ARE LYING, BUT IT IS JUST NOT WORTH THE HASSLE!

 

Spoken like a divorced man actually. If your wife says nothing is wrong, the safe play is to proceed with caution.

Ever date a girl who when she finds the seat down leaves it up for the reaction? She bucked like a bronco!

1. IF WE ASK WHAT IS WRONG AND YOU SAY 'NOTHING,' WE WILL ACT LIKE NOTHING'S WRONG. WE KNOW YOU ARE LYING, BUT IT IS JUST NOT WORTH THE HASSLE!

 

Spoken like a divorced man actually. If your wife says nothing is wrong, the safe play is to proceed with caution.

 

This was one of my favorites also and so true about proceeding with caution.

 

And my other favorite and I'd cut it down to 8 colors.

 

1. ALL MEN SEE IN ONLY 16 COLORS, LIKE WINDOWS DEFAULT SETTINGS...PEACH, FOR EXAMPLE, IS A FRUIT, NOT A COLOR. PUMPKIN IS ALSO A FRUIT. WE HAVE NO IDEA WHAT MAUVE IS!

 

Thanks Ozzy and of course most of these will get you a trip to the "Chateau Bow Wow"

This was one of my favorites also and so true about proceeding with caution.

 

And my other favorite and I'd cut it down to 8 colors.

 

1. ALL MEN SEE IN ONLY 16 COLORS, LIKE WINDOWS DEFAULT SETTINGS...PEACH, FOR EXAMPLE, IS A FRUIT, NOT A COLOR. PUMPKIN IS ALSO A FRUIT. WE HAVE NO IDEA WHAT MAUVE IS!

 

Thanks Ozzy and of course most of these will get you a trip to the "Chateau Bow Wow"

 

Old Chadwick line!! LOVE IT!!!! :rofl:

 

Yeah man, like Keirik said..."Spoken like a true unmarried guy!"

Holy shit am I whipped.

 

Sent from my SM-G970U using Blueshirts Brotherhood mobile app powered by Tapatalk

 

1. WHENEVER POSSIBLE, PLEASE SAY WHATEVER YOU HAVE TO SAY DURING COMMERCIALS.

 

 

Why do they always come in talking with seconds to go 5 on 3 with a one goal lead??????

As my father in law often observed, he always got the last word in every argument with the Mrs. "YES, DEAR".

"It's the way you stroke my hair when I lie sleeping

It's the way you tell me things that I don't know

It's the way that you remember

I came home late for dinner

Eleven months and fourteen days ago

 

It's the little things

The itty bitty things

Like the way that you remind me that I've been growing soft

It's the little things

The Itty bitty things

It's the little things that piss me off.

 

It's the note that you leave on the breakfast table

With a list of things to help me plan my day

It's the way you say we could have

If you'd done the things you should have

It's the little things, darlin',

That make me feel this way.

 

It's the little things

The itty bitty things

Like the way that you remind me that I've been growing soft

It's the little things

The Itty bitty things

It's the little things that piss me off."

 

Robert Earl Keen

 

Sent from my SM-G970U using Blueshirts Brotherhood mobile app powered by Tapatalk

Just had this conversation with a co-worker. The cardboard recycling bin is 10 second walk; so is the place we put the recycling until I take it out. So the choice is take it out to the bin , or pile it up. And every time the Mrs. piles it up, if daintily and intricately, like this is a game of Jenga. His wife does the same fuckin' thing.

My wife doesn't like to replace paper towels or napkins after using the last one, and she leaves the microwave flashing after using it instead of clearing it :angry:

Thanks for this Ozzy! Some much needed levity.

Thanks for this Ozzy! Some much needed levity.

 

Always in the name of entertainment, sir!! =) :thumbs:

My wife doesn't like to replace paper towels or napkins after using the last one, and she leaves the microwave flashing after using it instead of clearing it :angry:

 

My wife does that with the toilet paper. She will leave the cardboard empty tube on the holder and put the new toilet paper on the bathroom sink. I don’t get it. This is a woman that is a neat freak with everything except two things. Toilet paper and the dishes. She will literally put an empty dish in the sink right next to the empty dish washer.

My wife does that with the toilet paper. She will leave the cardboard empty tube on the holder and put the new toilet paper on the bathroom sink. I don’t get it. This is a woman that is a neat freak with everything except two things. Toilet paper and the dishes. She will literally put an empty dish in the sink right next to the empty dish washer.

 

get a Toto. no need for toilet paper.

get a Toto. no need for toilet paper.

 

Isn’t that a band?

Yes, they are the shit